[At cp_gravelpit, control point C]
Interviewer: Hello, Mr. Engineer.
RED Engineer: Hey, you look like kinda new here.
Interviewer: Oh, yes, I am new here. I came here to ask you a few questions.
Engineer: Sure thing. The enemies are not comin’ until they captured B control point, so I’m free for the time being.
Interviewer: Alright. What is your job as an engineer?
Engineer: I build stuff alright! Heck yeah! Here’s my best creation, the state-of-the-art sentry gun!
Interviewer: Oh, cool. What do you dislike most in this job? (Writing stuff in his notebook)
Engineer: I hate those spies! They keep on sappin’ my stuff! I’ll have to use mah monkey wrench and whack those brains outta their heads! (Imitates wrench whacking action)
Interviewer: What are some of your friends?
Engineer: Well, my favorite would be the pyro! He keeps on lightin’ up those cloaked spies for me to see! And maybe, he’ll fry them for me too! Hahahahahaha…
Interviewer: What are these machines? (Points to teleport)
Engineer: These are mah teleporters. They bring mah teammates to the front line.
Interviewer: Can I try it?
Engineer: Sure-SPY SAPPING MY DISPENSER!
Interviewer: Is there something wrong?
Engineer: Heck yes! Those freaking spies are sappin mah stuff at control point B! Stick with me and I’ll protect you as much as I can.
[At control point B]
Engineer: DISPENSER DOWN! Damn it, damn it, damn it!
Interviewer: We need some help over here!
RED Heavy: I help you! Engineer, go build dispenser again! MEDIC!
RED Soldier: Boys, we have a traiter!
RED Medic: THE SPY IS A SPY!
Interviewer, Engineer, Soldier, Heavy: What the hell?
RED Pyro: Mmh mmff mmph mmnph mff mff mpph! <Look, the spy is running away!>
RED Demoman: What da ya talkin’ about? I can’t even understand you!
Engineer: SPY SAPPIN’ MAH TELEPORT!
*Alert! Our control point is being captured!*
Heavy: I take out enemies, rest of you, go C! I will hold them!
(ARRGH! Its killing time!)
Interviewer: Man, this is so exciting.
Soldier (Running while speaking): MOVE YOU MAGGOTS! Heavy is covering us! You maggots ought to be thankful that you all made it out of the battlefield alive!
(Heavy cries out in the distant)
[At control point C]
(Engineer hits spy with wrench)
BLU Spy: Ahhhh…
Engineer: Damn you bastard!
BLU Medic: I AM THE UBERMENSCH! (Ubers a BLU Heavy)
Interviewer: Look! Incoming!
Engineer: HELP ME!
(Sentry shoots!)
Engineer: Argh! Need some dog gone help!
RED Scout: Come and say that to my face tough guy! Boink! (Runs towards uber BLU Heavy)
(Scout gets killed)
Engineer: Are you nuts! Stop acting cool and start helping me defend C!
RED Sniper (aiming for BLU Heavy’s head): F*** Off with the ubercharge, mate! I need to shoot you!
(BLU Heavy’s uber goes off)
(Sniper shoots)
BLU Heavy: ARRRH NARRRH NARRH! (Dies)
Sniper: Thanks for standing still, wanker! Hehehehe…
Interviewer: I got another question to ask you!
Engineer: What?!
Interviewer: How far can your sentry gun shoot?
Engineer: It’s about – (BLU Sniper shot Engineer) WAAAAH! (Dies)
Interviewer: Oh my god!
*Alert, our final control point is being captured!*
Soldier: Move up! Move up!
(RED Engineer respawns)
Engineer: Sorry man! I can’t talk to ya no more! Our final control point is being taken!
(Soldier kills enemies on C control point)
Soldier: Boo yah!
Interviewer: Holy cow! The Soldier is a professional!
Engineer: Yes. Only 5 more minutes till round ends!
(RED Scout respawns)
Scout: Good job there!
Engineer: Thanks.
Interviewer: Do you need some help?!
Engineer: Absolutely, here, grab mah spare wrench. If you need rubber gloves, go to my locker inside the resupply.
*Mission ends in 60 seconds*
Heavy: I back! Let’s go defend! SO MUCH BLOOD!
RED Medic: Engie, we got news that BLU is gona scout rush us!
Engineer: Hell no! Incoming!
(10 BLU Scouts come from all directions to C)
Engineer: Firing up mah sentry!
(Sentry shoots and shoots!)
*Mission ends in 30 seconds*
(All scouts die)
Engineer: Phew, fine job well done!
Soldier and Demoman (Drinking beer while sitting on Engineer’s dispenser): Nice work, maggots!
(All of RED team goes back into resupply room)
[In RED resupply room]
*Mission ends in 10 secs*
Engineer: Theres no way BLU can win this time!
Everyone: Yeah!
(BLU spy suddenly uncloaks on control point C)
*Alert, our last control point is being captured*
Everyone: What the F***? GET UP THERE NOW!
(RED team rushes to C)
*YOU FAILED*
Interviewer: Oh my goodness! *But wait, I’m with the science team!*
Engineer: Run! They’re coming in here to finish us off!
(Everyone in RED resupply room gets killed)
*Half Life 1 scientists will shout this phrase when the marines approached them.*
=END=
Written by RoverJackTM.